When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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