I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
