i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
