I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
