I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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