Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
