You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
