i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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