I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
