The maid of honor just puked.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
