new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
