ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
