Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
