Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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