you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
porn star boner night. come get it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
