There was a lot of him and a little penis
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
