Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just threw up on my dentist
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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