Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize