Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize