I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
