I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
