I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
