he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
