There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
