he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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