very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
