I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
