girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
