You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
