How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
