Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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