This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
