she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
