sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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