sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
