Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
