dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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