It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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