Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
