Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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