Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
