I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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