So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
