For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
