Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
