Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
