Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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