I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
