Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
