dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
