Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
