Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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