I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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