I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
