So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
