That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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