yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
