mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
