Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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