i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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