I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
