My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
