When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You are a genius and a whore.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize