Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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