420 ftw
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
