he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
