So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
