you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
