Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What a dumb baby whore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
God, I missed his penis.
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