no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
