fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
