If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he was CRYING into my vagina
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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