I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
