Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
my poor anus
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
