grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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