Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
